"D" Day!!!

Do you know that feeling at the end of the day when you say to yourself: "this day will not easily be forgotten..."? well, today was one of those days...to start off it started last night. I was moaning and bemoaning to my mother about my life's petty little problems and how I hated long "feridadoes" because all my students would cancel classes at last minute making me loose loads of money, etc. etc. she looked me calmly in the face and said: "I have been meaning to say this to you for awhile but just didnt have the opportunity to do so. You work hard, you do well, you get things done and reach places...but dont you think that maybe your priorities are just a little bit out of focus? You have forgotten to live life, to enjoy it, to take time for yourself, to read your Bible like you always used to do. The only thing you have been talking about lately is how to make more cash, your paycheck, etc. etc. and I cant remember the last time I saw you and didnt see "STRESS" stamped on your face. Think about it. Maybe all these classes being canceled last minute is some divine intervention so you can re-organize what is most important in your life. I do expect that of you, ok?" and that was about it.
I stayed in silence and was going to start thinking on thinking about doing something when the phone rang, I picked it up and was soon caught again in the rat race of work, work, work. Today, even being a holliday I woke up at 10:30 a.m. (being that I arrived 5:00 a.m. at home from partying with friends all night!) and went straight to giving the first of many longggggg classes today. As I was on the bus going to my last class of the day I picked up the book "Dear John", leafed the pages until I found my stopping point and avidly started reading it. Considering that it was a long ride until my destination I was able to read quite a bit...and think....and think...and think some more. 
I thought about my life. Here I am, a twenty year old private English teacher that works from Sunday to Sunday, that is up at 5:00 am and goes to bed at midnight every single day of the week (except for Sundays!). The last time I excercised was three months ago. I have skipped lunch for the past month at least three days a week because of lack of time to even sit down for 15 min and get myself a bite. My room looks like the tusunami just paid it a visit and the relief workers haven't made it there yet. Molly's front screen is filled up with colorful "sticky notes" where all my "to-do's" are written. I forgot what it is to eat without doing moving around at the same time, what it feels to just chill down and talk to a friend (which is not a student during one of his class hours), to go to the beach, sleep until late, study some interesting subject, meditate and invest on my spirituality and time with God... and the list goes on. I knew there was something wrong with me. The last two months I was ill tempered with the pushy people on the bus, would get easily aggravated and impatient with my students, my smile muscles werent being used to the full and the worst of all was that I was two whole weeks without talking to my sister - beat the record!!! Those two weeks felt TERRIBLE!!! Every time I rang the door bell and stepped inside I found myself face to face with her, but this time instead of her cheery smile and usual hug all I saw was her back as she turned around and away...and each time it hurt more and more. Well, today in the bus as I read my book and thought about what mom said yesterday and how my life was and where it was leading I noticed that my priorities were screwed up. Okay, its not wrong to want to make good money, to do well in life, to grow professionally; but to put that in such a high pedestal to the extreme in which its affecting your relationship with others, with yourself and especially with God then there is something that needs to be changed. Things that I once valued so much, things that used to have such a great hold on me (like spending at least 30 min. everyday reading my Bible before I went to bed), simple little things in life which seemed almost absurd but made a whole of a difference just seemed to disappear as I let the "BIG" things in life take over and crowd out space for what is most important. I knew some serious changes had to take over. 
Funny, as soon as I made that firm decision in my mind I felt good. Real good. Light, easygoing, careless...and I hadnt felt like that in a longgggggg time. I felt somewhat aprehensive too...I knew I had to straighten out a few loose ends here, but that's fine - when you know its the right thing to do the hassle seems smaller and not such a great chore. My last class of the day was at Jones' apartment - once again, hot Tasso wasnt there for me to admire (travelling because of work) - and so I contented myself in giving a one-on-one class. Without having planned a thing we started talking, and talking, and talking. About what? Priorites! We spoke of what makes someone or something or someplace memorable, personality traits we'd like to change in ourselves, goals in life we'd want to acheive, true friendship, and on and on. And then out of the blue, he started asking me about my childhood, family, what life as a missionary used to be like, etc. and it just felt soooooooo good to talk about something more than just the day to day small talk. In those two hours that went by so quickly by we got closer to one another (okay, friendship wise - seriously!) than the past three months of class I've given him. We discussed deep subjects on life and what inspired us to want to do more than just live the mediocre everyday routine that so many succumb to. Once again today I felt great! Talking to Jones was like a confirmation to keep on with what I had (and still have) to do. 

Daddy Boo came to pick me up since it was kind of late. I blurted to him as we were in the car: "Dad. I think I need to figure out some of my priorities." 
Dad: Which ones?
Me: I dont know...all of them. You know, my top prority in life for now is to become financially stable and rich, very rich! And I know that it's not something bad and becoming well off will still continue to be a big priority in my life. But I dont think it will be the first one anymore. Getting right with God will be No.1. Enjoying life, taking care of myself and spending more time with others will also be added on the list before the money making.
Dad: I am glad to hear that. I was afraid for you these last days. You know, you dont have to be a fulltime missionary, but you do need to stay close to God.

That last sentence hit me like a load of bricks and then it all came through to me, everything so clearly. I felt bad about not being a missonary anymore, not being able to give my life in service to God (not able wouldnt be the right word, more like not wanting to) and so because of that I felt guilty and so I shooed away from anything that could make me think on the bothersome subject. But now it was clear as day and Dad's phrase said it all for me.

Returning home I knew what I had to do. I could feel my heart accelerating and I knew that I would have to swallow my pride in this particular task. Kneeling down next to where she was sitting in front of her computer I took the plunge and started before I gave way to my "rational" thinking and gave up altogether. I asked for her forgiveness on my pride and for hurting her so badly with both my actions and words. My self-justified self judged her so proudly and labeled her in the process as well. It didnt take long for both of us to be in tears, hugging each other and expressing our sisterly feelings for one another.
I learnt a big lesson though today: Even though you hurt someone and even if with time that person forgives you, thinks still will never be the same. Deep down there is always some caution rooted inside and it takes time until you are back in those strong ties that used to hold you so close one to another. It takes time for the person to depend on you, to share with you their thoughts and secrets, to laugh and run in bed to cuddle up with you. All that takes time...and now I patiently wait.


Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!