Corny Come Ons

Okay, so I am going out clubbing but before me and Ximena go all the way to the airport to pick up Fernanda (an ex student of mine) and from there she'd drive us to Mucuripe club.

And that's when the " corny come-on's" started. Me and Ximena arrive at the airport and ALL eyes turn to our direction. No wonder, since when you go to the airport wearing a mini "sou gostosa" dress, killer high heels, your hair sexily cascading down and your very best makeup job, eh? (ta, apelei...nem tanto Christy..heh!). The thing about it is that only God knows what is going through people's heads as they see a blond and brunette a bit "overdressed" (for an airport at least!) ... well, so much for these "modern days!" Fernanda's flight finally arrives and we are making our way out of the airport when I feel a gust of hot air in my ear and a raspy voice along with it: "I loved your dressh..."Bad liar, you like what is inside my dress - or at least you think so!"

Ewwwww... I double my step and thank God for the fresh air outside. 1st "Corny Come-on" of the night... a LOT more still to come... :/

Inside the car going to the club: 

Ximena: All I want today is to look, gaze and admire a hot guy... that's all I want, is that too much to ask?

Me: I'd say it's too little to ask... I don't want to only gaze...I can do "gazing" anywhere, any day...I want more than that!

Fernanda: Ooohh Christy, since when are you so optimistic?!!!

Arriving at the club we are pleasantly surprised at the reform that was made in one of the "dance rooms" and stay admiring the new changes in it. Then we go to the next step: get some drinks!!! My one cup of caipirinha has to last all night as I can't afford to drink any more than that since the next day, once again, my first class starts at 8:00 am...so much for working all Saturday!

And then the party started...and so do the "corny come-on's". We first went to where the live band was playing, then to the room which was playing typical Brazilian music: samba, pagode, axe... and from there we went to the "disco room" which was by far the best of all three.

For God knows what reason, it seemed like ALL the ugly people of Fortaleza decided to appear exactly today to Mucuripe club. If wearing sunglasses in a club was an option I would certainly do so to try to dull out all the ugly men that passed my way. Another conclusion me and Ximena came to was that now is the "gringo season" so the club was filled with foreigners wearing Hawaiian multi colored flowered shirts and thinking they are the kings of the world just because they are able to stay with some favela girl that shakes her ass their way. Not cool!

And the night goes on... I am in the "disco room" truly enjoying myself, dancing all my "Ya-Ya's" away when a guy that is behind me grabs my waist and pulls me to himself. I push him nicely aside, do a "thumbs up" signal and shake my head negatively. "Sorry Hunk-Chunk, just not interested..." a few seconds pass and the same guy tries again using the same tactic...once again same answer (just a bit more emphasized!). But like most Brazilian men, he doesn't give up and sticks to his "grab by the waist and pull her towards me" move. Bad idea. I repeat my move just that this time a bit more brusquely. I think that that was it, but sadly, I was wrong. Hunk-Chunk tries again but this time with a different approach. He comes from the front, holds my arm and starts screaming in my ear, though the blaring music drowns half of what he is saying: "Look at this, just because you are beautiful and hot you can't treat people so bad and with such disrespect...you need to at least be educated and show some respect. You don't have to stay with me but you have to at least be nice and show that you respect me because that is all I ask of you...some education on your part..." 

Honestly, my first reaction was one of wanting to punch him in his face and kick him in his balls all at once - but after looking at his size I decided for a second option. I turned to him and screamed as loud as I could in his ear - hoping he would turn deaf - in English: "I AM SORRY!!! I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU! I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU!" 

And that was it! Hunk-Chunk looked at me with that typical "pancake batter face" and went back to his corner on the wall... TOMA!!! My God, who says such a thing in a club...respect? education? ahh pleaseeeeeeee!!! How retarded can you get to try to get a girl? Give me a break!!!

I continue dancing with Ximena for a while and then Ximena asks if we could go get another drink and some fresh air in the open bar outside. I agree, and when we are leaving with drinks in hand (bottle of water in mine!) a short little guy that was definitely still in his puberty and seemed like he had went to the club straight after going to church came to talk to us (sorry, but hair parted and combed down in the middle is a total killer! *grimace*). Well, what he first did wasn't much talking but more of a gesture. He comes to me and shows me his fancy little blackberry cell phone in which a message was written in it and motions for me to read it. Out of curiosity (never would have guessed that I was about to get "corny come-on" No.3 of the night) I looked over it and read the following: "beautiful girls, all over the world, I could be chasing but my time would be wasting cause they've got nothin' on you baby, nothin' on you baby..." 

When I look up from the screen I see Church boy with a huge big smile on his face. To top it off he says: "I was watching you dance and that's the song you were dancing to..."

I couldn't contain myself and I cracked up and couldn’t stop laughing. Very fortunately, Ximena was next to me and was able to do damage control. 

A short while later I am back in the club grooving to the music when a half-decent guy comes to me and says: "I can't help myself but I need to tell you something. I am watching you dance and the fact that your hair is up in a bun just ruins it completely. You are so hot and sexy already, but if you loosen up your hair you will look even better. Believe me, I know what I am talking about - I am a fashion consultant."

I answer back: I am hot and sweaty and I'm just fine with my hair up, thank you!

"But I am dreaming in seeing you with your hair down..." (This phrase only makes sense in Portuguese)

“Well then, it’s time you wake up because the last thing I am going to do now is put my hair down!"

Another "pancake batter face” look. Another guy out. 

Last but definitely not least: I am walking out of the "Brazilian music room" when an old, short, beer belly, graying hair, round rimmed glasses (was only missing suspenders!) man asks me: "Are you already leaving?"

Before I can make out where Old Man's comment is leading to he quickly adds: "Because you didn't even meet me yet..." 

Maybe I should get going before I even get to meet you - or other guys like you!!!

I had just given up on that night altogether (okay, I am recounting all the "not-so-great" parts but the truth is that I was actually enjoying myself and having a good time despite the "corny come-ons"...) when Ximena meets up with a recent friend of hers: Lucian. We all sit down at the bar, I take of my sandals and plop my feet on another chair when Lucian's friend appears. Good looking, not too young, intelligent, charming smile and... He was into me! Definitely made my night a bit more interesting...

Us four all stayed talking and I found out that he also was a Psychiatrist (geez, what do I have with Psychiatrists that I always attract them?!) and was from Rio but that he was living here since he was 15.

We decide to leave Mucuripe club and go catch a bite at some close by bar. Lucian had had a bit too much to drink and clicked some button in his sound system which made each song play a demo of ten to fifteen seconds before passing on to the next song on the play list. With this we also found out that he had Britney Spears, Taylor Swift and some other female artists which made it questionable for a 31 year old guy to be listening...hahhaha (zoamos muitooooooo). 

I am not going to say much more other than me and Psychiatrist #2 hit off real well in the back of the car (it's not what you are thinking, remember: Ximena and Lucian WERE in the front...) I wouldn't mind getting to know the guy a bit better as he was pretty much my type (excluding the fact that he would harden his tongue and stick it wayy inside my throat every here and there when we were kissing...okayyyyy...) but under the circumstances in which we met I don't think that there will be a Part 2 with Psychiatrist #2...but at least the night was worth it and we ended happily ever after. 

Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!