They are gone and I miss them. But as they say, “memories are the one thing we can keep and that’s why we treasure them so deeply.” These last 12 days were amazing days, fantastic days. Days where I could just let my hair down and laugh into the wind, not care about getting up at 5:00 am in the morning or in wearing a suit and heels all day long. Days in which I just wasn’t available for anyone or anything and didn’t have to be in a hurry, all day stressed out about not getting the correct bus or arriving to my class on time. Just that in itself was great. But most importantly I had my Dan Dan with me and along with her crazy Lan Lan too and we had the time of our lives – something we'd always dream we’d do but we never imagined we would fulfill our dream so soon. And so now I will recount my Vacations in GREAT detail starting from the 29th of December (which is when they arrived) until the 9th of January (which is the day after they left). A TON of pictures will be included and as always, I will use fake names when talking about my students – and maybe some “not so innocent” too! 29th of December, 2010 – 9:15 pm:
My heart is pounding. I waited for a whole month for this moment - but it seemed like soo much more time. The plane is a bit late as it was supposed to have arrived at 8:30; but fine, I am willing to wait a few more minutes. A big smile lights on all our faces and big, tight squishy hugs follow our smiles. And then the talking begins:
- Chris, I almost didn't come. I was soo sick that my Dad almost didn't let me take the plane. I had to take a tooon of pills before coming here.
- Aii Dan! You serious?
- Completely serious!
-Geez... Don't even mention it! How was it in Salvador?
- Oh, there were these rasta guys in Salvador when we were waiting for our connection that were major pot heads that were soo hitting on us. One of them comes up and starts talking with us and then his friend comes along and asks: "Are you making new friends there?" and the weirdo answers: "No, I'm trying to make new girlfriends..."
- FAIL!!! I shriek and we all start laughing...even being months away from one another it was obvious from the start that nothing had changed!
Dan was completely run down and blowing her nose every five seconds. I sat on the back of the car with her and Lani went in the front and started on some casual talk with my Dad as he drove us home.
To my BIG surprise, my sister Rose greeted us at the door and met the girls. You see, my sister is a usually shy and reserved person and always had some reserve whenever Dan's name was brought up - since she is my best friend - and the last few days she was acting like a younger child waiting for their little brother or sister to be born: anxious but with a certain ammount of jelousy and caution towards the new "soon-arriving" member. But there she was at the front door with a big smile on her face, acting completely different to what I was expecting (or more like, dreading!) and I gave an inner sigh of relief! My brother soon followed along on saying "hi" to the girls - but that's no news as he is naturally outgoing and talkative. Just Mom was away giving class and only got to meet the girls later. Since they caught their plane at midnight and only arrived here at 9:30 am they were both exauhsted and needing some good sleep.
But before, we sat around the table and the girls had their first vegetarian meal: bread, cheese and tomato sandwiches. Yogurt, fresh fruit,nuts and dried fruits were also included.
Brunch over and the girls were fast asleep. I made use of the time first to make a quick grape/chocolate pave and then to do a few things I hadn't done in a long time: mud mask on my face, wax, eyebrows, manicure and pedicure, etc.
- Hey Christy.
- Hey Lani. Woke up?
-Yeah...too excited to stay sleeping for too long - I can't wait to get to know Fortaleza!!! What are you doing?
- Well, I am having my own "beauty spa moment" here and I am in the part which I most dread: manicure and pedicure!
- I don't mind doing others nails, I actually like it cause that way I can learn how to do it quicker and better when I end up doing it on myself.
- Do you want to do mine? *big grin*
- Yeah, sure! Do you have everything?
- I think so. Look in my manicure kit.
- Hah, everything is all pink. Ta patricinha, em?
-Me Patricinha??? NEVER! There only was pink when I bought it...but I think its cute, hihihi...
- You don't have a cuticle remover though.
- Ah, that's because I don't know how to remove my cuticle so it wasn't worth it for me to buy one.
- Well, I need one if you want me to do your nails. Is there a drugstore anywhere close by?
- Yeah, right around the block. We can go buy it.
And then we realized there was a problem. A SERIOUS problem: I had just done my mud mask. It was all green, wet and guey and not even close to being dry and ready for me to wash it off my face. We talked about it and weighed out our options but in the end the decision was made:
- Fuck my mud mask!!! I'm going to the drugstore and buy my cuticle remover anyways. Join me Lani!
"Are you MAD?", "I can't believe you are actually going to do so", "The whole neighbourhood will stare at you and it will be the talk of the town for the next whole month!" were just a few of the surprised comments that came along with my last statement. I just laughed aloud and walked out the door, Lani right behind me just shaking her head at my display of craziness.
And off we went. Lani wearing a shirt and shorts that could very well have been her pajamas and I, with my green guey face. I smiled inwardly feeling just like the Grinch in person!
- Lookiee there...Never have I drawn sooo many looks from sooo many people. I mean, EVERYONE looks at me. Self esteem "nota dez". Adoroooo.
Lani just laughed. - You're crazy Christy!!!
Before arriving at the drugstore we passed a car fix shop.
- I pass by here everyday when going to catch the bus to go to work and also when I come back home so the dear mechanics get to see me at least twice a day. Sometimes even more if it's a day that I come back home for lunch. Anyways, they are my major fans. They always have the most loving and sincere coments to scream out when I pass their way. You wondered why my self-esteem is so high? The mechanics deserve all the credit for that. More than usual, I pass here running - like, if I am late for class or something - and that's when I get the most feedback on their part. The most usual one is: "Quanta saudeeeeee!" Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!
Me and Lani fell into laugher and I continued kidding around:
- The best time was once when I was running I hear one of them scream: "Run Forest, Run!!!" I mean, at least it shows he has some culture as he must have watched the movie in English, no?
More laughs on both our sides.
- Oh well, look at that. Today they were just able to stare, mouths agape. My Grinch beauty is too much for their eyes. See, I literally left them speachless - not a single comment from their side - ahhh, I must do this more often.
As soon as we entered the drugstore all eyes glued on me as was very much expected. Me and Lani took our time, acted like shopping around with a green mud mask was the most normal thing ever and then left the drugstore once again bursting in laugher. The experience (and shocked expressions) were more than worth it but I am not planning on repeating the experience anytime soon.
Lani is an incredible manicurist and as she did my nails we caught up on the latest news and most everything that had been going on in the last few months. Dan woke up and joined us in the talk.
One thing concerning men that once again became clear to me as we had our girl talk is how men are and will always be men. Well, duhhhh...but what I meant with that is that men have a way of making us girls stupid, crazy, fragile and dumb - and also make us do for them what many times we wouldn't do for ourselves - sad to say...
And one thing that makes me freeze and breaks my heart at the same time is seeing my best friend in tears...and yes, as you must have guessed, over her boyfriend. They have been dating over six months now and have a relationship that I am sure many people with twice and even thrice their ages dream of having - and yet, even they have problems and difficuties. I once read a quote from Oscar Wilde that said that the heart was made to be broken and I can't help but completely agree with him on that one; though I wish it wasn't so. And yet a funny truth that I have come to know in my life but yet, oh so many times forget is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you end up suffering and each time its for smaller and more insignificant things as those things begin to torture you because your fear in once again being hurt has become so great that you just can't control it. And that's when shit happens.
But if you look at suffering as being part of existance and that its part of pretty much every action we do in our lives: eating, drinking, friendship, meeting new people, work, excercise, partying, sports, driving, sleeping and even using the bathroom (don't tell me you've never suffered of constipation :P) then suffering can take a whole new meaning in your life because you are prepared for it. You know it's coming some time or another and you don't shut yourself off or promise yourself that "it will never happen again"; instead you recognize it when it knocks at your doorstep and then decide the best way to get up and get over it - and that makes all the difference.
As Woody Allen put it: “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.” Or so, in the end it's all confusing.
Anyways, enough about suffering and on to the rest of my wonderful vacations!
There are handicraft shops all around the city, but the best place to go is the Feirinha da Beira Mar and that's where we find ourselves in front of at 5:30 pm. It's a Beach front fair that opens daily from about 4 PM till 11 PM. The state of Ceará has a large textile industry, and arguably the cheapest clothing in Brazil. This fair has a large number of stalls and shops, and competition drives the prices down making you spend at the end of the night more than you know you should have. Since it's only about a 7 minute drive and a 15 minute walk from my house I come quite often around as it's a great place to relax - especially before the flea market has opened - as that way I am not tempted with shopping and can easily walk the whole avenue in less than 45 minutes enjoying the ocean view, sceneries, temperature and breeze flowing through my hair - not to mention the wide range of people from all over the world that I watch pass by and try to figure out their lifestory as I sit down with my coconut water in hand at the end of the afternoon.
Didi and Lani go from one stall to the other, while me and my sister follow close behind. Each one of us holds a plastic bag with some item (or items) that we just bought after much barganing: bikinis, local handicraft, clothes and jewlery. A lot of jewlery. Didi starts feeling real sick once again so I stop at a bench with her while Lani and Babes run along to shop for a New Year's dress.
As soon as we sit down the words start pouring through my mouth and they don't stop anytime soon. You see, Dan Dan isn't the only one "suffering because of love". So am I. And then again I'm not. Yes, I know, it's pretty confusing so let me explain. I like this guy. This student of mine. And yet he doesn't know I like him (or at least I don't think so). And sometimes I swear he likes me too. But I can't be sure of it. I don't want to be sure of it because I can't, I just can't let myself get involved with a student. It brings no good. It never has. It happened once and I promised myself it would never happen again. But my feelings for this student are a whole lot more than I ever expected or wanted them to get to. So what do I do? I keep those feelings to myself and transform them into acts of friendship. And yes, that's where comes the good part, the reason that I say I am not exactly suffering: we are now good friends. Like, REALLY great friends. I spend a lot of time with him. Before class, during class and after class. I know most his friends, his roomate, his workmates, even his boss!!! And we talk, oh how we talk! He is actually a reserved and quiet person but we manage to have the longest and most frank talks with one another. And so I suffer because I know I can't be with him and will never be able to as it's just off limits - and yet I am happy at the same time because I believe that our friendship is worth it and who knows, maybe even better than if I could stay with him. Because even if I wasn't his teacher and had met him under other circumstances, who said he would even actually want to stay with me?!!! And so I tell all of this to my Dan Dan and she listens attentively as she always did. My rambling goes on and on until Lani and Babes finallly come back with another plastic bag containing Lani's New Year's dress.
Time goes by quickly and we end our wonderful night out by munching on some cashew nuts covered in molasses and sesamee seeds. Yummsssssssssss...
- We're home! I anounce as we barge into the front door.
- Christy...I am feeling bad. Really bad.
- You should rest Didi as tomorrow we are traveling to Morro Branco, no Christy? asks Lani
- Yeah we are, real early in the morning. I plan on us all waking up at around 6:00 am as the bus to Morro Branco leaves at 8:00 am on the dot! Everyone needs to have their backpacks ready so that we just wake up, have breakfast and go out the door. We need to catch a bus to the main bus terminal here in Fortaleza as that's where the bus will be leaving from. If we don't get there on time we will have to wait until 10:30 am as that's when the next bus leaves.
- That's a long wait!!! We should definately get there on time. Lani says
- Yeah. I continue. And the earlier we get to Morro Branco tomorrow the longer we will be able to make the most of our first day there - plus, it's the only day Clari is going to be there and I really want to see her.
I had already packed my things to travel the day before so I helped everyone in their own personal packing. By the time we were done it was real late but we still stopped to eat the grape pave before going to bed. Everyone concluded it had the most exotic taste a pave could ask to have but bowls were scraped and mouths were filled. Goodnights were said and off we went to bed excited with the new day ahead!!!
My heart is pounding. I waited for a whole month for this moment - but it seemed like soo much more time. The plane is a bit late as it was supposed to have arrived at 8:30; but fine, I am willing to wait a few more minutes. A big smile lights on all our faces and big, tight squishy hugs follow our smiles. And then the talking begins:
- Chris, I almost didn't come. I was soo sick that my Dad almost didn't let me take the plane. I had to take a tooon of pills before coming here.
- Aii Dan! You serious?
- Completely serious!
-Geez... Don't even mention it! How was it in Salvador?
- Oh, there were these rasta guys in Salvador when we were waiting for our connection that were major pot heads that were soo hitting on us. One of them comes up and starts talking with us and then his friend comes along and asks: "Are you making new friends there?" and the weirdo answers: "No, I'm trying to make new girlfriends..."
- FAIL!!! I shriek and we all start laughing...even being months away from one another it was obvious from the start that nothing had changed!
Dan was completely run down and blowing her nose every five seconds. I sat on the back of the car with her and Lani went in the front and started on some casual talk with my Dad as he drove us home.
To my BIG surprise, my sister Rose greeted us at the door and met the girls. You see, my sister is a usually shy and reserved person and always had some reserve whenever Dan's name was brought up - since she is my best friend - and the last few days she was acting like a younger child waiting for their little brother or sister to be born: anxious but with a certain ammount of jelousy and caution towards the new "soon-arriving" member. But there she was at the front door with a big smile on her face, acting completely different to what I was expecting (or more like, dreading!) and I gave an inner sigh of relief! My brother soon followed along on saying "hi" to the girls - but that's no news as he is naturally outgoing and talkative. Just Mom was away giving class and only got to meet the girls later. Since they caught their plane at midnight and only arrived here at 9:30 am they were both exauhsted and needing some good sleep.
But before, we sat around the table and the girls had their first vegetarian meal: bread, cheese and tomato sandwiches. Yogurt, fresh fruit,nuts and dried fruits were also included.
Brunch over and the girls were fast asleep. I made use of the time first to make a quick grape/chocolate pave and then to do a few things I hadn't done in a long time: mud mask on my face, wax, eyebrows, manicure and pedicure, etc.
- Hey Christy.
- Hey Lani. Woke up?
-Yeah...too excited to stay sleeping for too long - I can't wait to get to know Fortaleza!!! What are you doing?
- Well, I am having my own "beauty spa moment" here and I am in the part which I most dread: manicure and pedicure!
- I don't mind doing others nails, I actually like it cause that way I can learn how to do it quicker and better when I end up doing it on myself.
- Do you want to do mine? *big grin*
- Yeah, sure! Do you have everything?
- I think so. Look in my manicure kit.
- Hah, everything is all pink. Ta patricinha, em?
-Me Patricinha??? NEVER! There only was pink when I bought it...but I think its cute, hihihi...
- You don't have a cuticle remover though.
- Ah, that's because I don't know how to remove my cuticle so it wasn't worth it for me to buy one.
- Well, I need one if you want me to do your nails. Is there a drugstore anywhere close by?
- Yeah, right around the block. We can go buy it.
And then we realized there was a problem. A SERIOUS problem: I had just done my mud mask. It was all green, wet and guey and not even close to being dry and ready for me to wash it off my face. We talked about it and weighed out our options but in the end the decision was made:
- Fuck my mud mask!!! I'm going to the drugstore and buy my cuticle remover anyways. Join me Lani!
"Are you MAD?", "I can't believe you are actually going to do so", "The whole neighbourhood will stare at you and it will be the talk of the town for the next whole month!" were just a few of the surprised comments that came along with my last statement. I just laughed aloud and walked out the door, Lani right behind me just shaking her head at my display of craziness.
And off we went. Lani wearing a shirt and shorts that could very well have been her pajamas and I, with my green guey face. I smiled inwardly feeling just like the Grinch in person!- Lookiee there...Never have I drawn sooo many looks from sooo many people. I mean, EVERYONE looks at me. Self esteem "nota dez". Adoroooo.
Lani just laughed. - You're crazy Christy!!!
Before arriving at the drugstore we passed a car fix shop.
- I pass by here everyday when going to catch the bus to go to work and also when I come back home so the dear mechanics get to see me at least twice a day. Sometimes even more if it's a day that I come back home for lunch. Anyways, they are my major fans. They always have the most loving and sincere coments to scream out when I pass their way. You wondered why my self-esteem is so high? The mechanics deserve all the credit for that. More than usual, I pass here running - like, if I am late for class or something - and that's when I get the most feedback on their part. The most usual one is: "Quanta saudeeeeee!" Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!
Me and Lani fell into laugher and I continued kidding around:
- The best time was once when I was running I hear one of them scream: "Run Forest, Run!!!" I mean, at least it shows he has some culture as he must have watched the movie in English, no?
More laughs on both our sides.
- Oh well, look at that. Today they were just able to stare, mouths agape. My Grinch beauty is too much for their eyes. See, I literally left them speachless - not a single comment from their side - ahhh, I must do this more often.
As soon as we entered the drugstore all eyes glued on me as was very much expected. Me and Lani took our time, acted like shopping around with a green mud mask was the most normal thing ever and then left the drugstore once again bursting in laugher. The experience (and shocked expressions) were more than worth it but I am not planning on repeating the experience anytime soon.
Lani is an incredible manicurist and as she did my nails we caught up on the latest news and most everything that had been going on in the last few months. Dan woke up and joined us in the talk.
One thing concerning men that once again became clear to me as we had our girl talk is how men are and will always be men. Well, duhhhh...but what I meant with that is that men have a way of making us girls stupid, crazy, fragile and dumb - and also make us do for them what many times we wouldn't do for ourselves - sad to say...
And one thing that makes me freeze and breaks my heart at the same time is seeing my best friend in tears...and yes, as you must have guessed, over her boyfriend. They have been dating over six months now and have a relationship that I am sure many people with twice and even thrice their ages dream of having - and yet, even they have problems and difficuties. I once read a quote from Oscar Wilde that said that the heart was made to be broken and I can't help but completely agree with him on that one; though I wish it wasn't so. And yet a funny truth that I have come to know in my life but yet, oh so many times forget is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you end up suffering and each time its for smaller and more insignificant things as those things begin to torture you because your fear in once again being hurt has become so great that you just can't control it. And that's when shit happens.
But if you look at suffering as being part of existance and that its part of pretty much every action we do in our lives: eating, drinking, friendship, meeting new people, work, excercise, partying, sports, driving, sleeping and even using the bathroom (don't tell me you've never suffered of constipation :P) then suffering can take a whole new meaning in your life because you are prepared for it. You know it's coming some time or another and you don't shut yourself off or promise yourself that "it will never happen again"; instead you recognize it when it knocks at your doorstep and then decide the best way to get up and get over it - and that makes all the difference.
As Woody Allen put it: “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.” Or so, in the end it's all confusing.
Anyways, enough about suffering and on to the rest of my wonderful vacations!
There are handicraft shops all around the city, but the best place to go is the Feirinha da Beira Mar and that's where we find ourselves in front of at 5:30 pm. It's a Beach front fair that opens daily from about 4 PM till 11 PM. The state of Ceará has a large textile industry, and arguably the cheapest clothing in Brazil. This fair has a large number of stalls and shops, and competition drives the prices down making you spend at the end of the night more than you know you should have. Since it's only about a 7 minute drive and a 15 minute walk from my house I come quite often around as it's a great place to relax - especially before the flea market has opened - as that way I am not tempted with shopping and can easily walk the whole avenue in less than 45 minutes enjoying the ocean view, sceneries, temperature and breeze flowing through my hair - not to mention the wide range of people from all over the world that I watch pass by and try to figure out their lifestory as I sit down with my coconut water in hand at the end of the afternoon.Didi and Lani go from one stall to the other, while me and my sister follow close behind. Each one of us holds a plastic bag with some item (or items) that we just bought after much barganing: bikinis, local handicraft, clothes and jewlery. A lot of jewlery. Didi starts feeling real sick once again so I stop at a bench with her while Lani and Babes run along to shop for a New Year's dress.
As soon as we sit down the words start pouring through my mouth and they don't stop anytime soon. You see, Dan Dan isn't the only one "suffering because of love". So am I. And then again I'm not. Yes, I know, it's pretty confusing so let me explain. I like this guy. This student of mine. And yet he doesn't know I like him (or at least I don't think so). And sometimes I swear he likes me too. But I can't be sure of it. I don't want to be sure of it because I can't, I just can't let myself get involved with a student. It brings no good. It never has. It happened once and I promised myself it would never happen again. But my feelings for this student are a whole lot more than I ever expected or wanted them to get to. So what do I do? I keep those feelings to myself and transform them into acts of friendship. And yes, that's where comes the good part, the reason that I say I am not exactly suffering: we are now good friends. Like, REALLY great friends. I spend a lot of time with him. Before class, during class and after class. I know most his friends, his roomate, his workmates, even his boss!!! And we talk, oh how we talk! He is actually a reserved and quiet person but we manage to have the longest and most frank talks with one another. And so I suffer because I know I can't be with him and will never be able to as it's just off limits - and yet I am happy at the same time because I believe that our friendship is worth it and who knows, maybe even better than if I could stay with him. Because even if I wasn't his teacher and had met him under other circumstances, who said he would even actually want to stay with me?!!! And so I tell all of this to my Dan Dan and she listens attentively as she always did. My rambling goes on and on until Lani and Babes finallly come back with another plastic bag containing Lani's New Year's dress. Time goes by quickly and we end our wonderful night out by munching on some cashew nuts covered in molasses and sesamee seeds. Yummsssssssssss...
- We're home! I anounce as we barge into the front door.
- Christy...I am feeling bad. Really bad.
- You should rest Didi as tomorrow we are traveling to Morro Branco, no Christy? asks Lani
- Yeah we are, real early in the morning. I plan on us all waking up at around 6:00 am as the bus to Morro Branco leaves at 8:00 am on the dot! Everyone needs to have their backpacks ready so that we just wake up, have breakfast and go out the door. We need to catch a bus to the main bus terminal here in Fortaleza as that's where the bus will be leaving from. If we don't get there on time we will have to wait until 10:30 am as that's when the next bus leaves.
- That's a long wait!!! We should definately get there on time. Lani says
- Yeah. I continue. And the earlier we get to Morro Branco tomorrow the longer we will be able to make the most of our first day there - plus, it's the only day Clari is going to be there and I really want to see her.
I had already packed my things to travel the day before so I helped everyone in their own personal packing. By the time we were done it was real late but we still stopped to eat the grape pave before going to bed. Everyone concluded it had the most exotic taste a pave could ask to have but bowls were scraped and mouths were filled. Goodnights were said and off we went to bed excited with the new day ahead!!!
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