Bad Brownies...

I, as a wonderful, loving and creative teacher (ahem!) have the habit of baking brownies for my students. Partly, I do that because I am not the only one to include gastronomy into our English classes, as every here and there my students decide to show up with some sort of snack: ice-cream, pao de queijo, a large crunchy chocolate bar, Danish cookies, "danoninho"... and so I like to do my part and bring my "oh-so-very-famous" brownies every now and then (which usually happens when it’s their Birthday or I am in an exceptionally good mood!). 

And so, in one of my "exceptionally-good-mooded-days" I decide to do some brownie baking with my sister. I was experimenting with a new type of cocoa powder and wasn't sure how that would come out...to top it off I was chatting with one of my friends online and only remembered about my brownies in the oven a bit too late… oops!

Usually Sexual Fantasy comes to pick me up and takes me to his place for the class but this time since Vivi was going to participate of our conversation class, she passed by my place and gave me a ride herself. After driving around in circles for more than half an hour we finally make it to his apartment. Ufa! Arriving there, his apartment door was found wide open so we made our way in.

*Knock knock*

- Hello! Sexual Fantasy, are you there? Excuse me because I am coming in...

No answer.

- I really hope you are not naked hiding behind some door because I am in and this time it’s not with Jones...Vivi is here and I don't want to get her traumatized... *giggling out loud*

His bedroom door opens and he comes out.

-Hi Teacher. Hi Viviane! How did you know I was naked teacher? I was just changing my clothes...

- Ah, nothing like having ex-ray eyes... I am sure glad Vivi doesn't have my supernatural gifts because she definitely would need to go to a psychiatrist to get over the traumatic view.

- As if Teacher... admit it, you wish you actually had those "ex-ray eye” powers... *foolish grin*

- Ewwwwww... 

Vivi just stays watching amusedly as we joke around with each other (a very common occurrence).

- Tell me teacher, what is that inside that tray you are holding?

- Brownies! I exclaim triumphantly (detalhe: They got ready last minute so I didn't get to taste them)

- Wow Teacher! I missed your brownies. They are the very best everrrrrrr…

Class started and was going just fine and dandy until around the middle of the class Sexual Fantasy appears with napkins, plates and spoons all ready to savor my brownies.

He places a piece on his plate, cuts it in half and with a big smile places it in his mouth. His smile turns into a wrinkle in his brow, which turns into a grimace and from a grimace into a frown - a large frown!!!

- Teacher!!! What in the world is this? These are not brownies!!!

I still hadn't tasted the brownies myself (BIG mistake!) but after the look on his face my appetite pretty much faded. I turned to Vivi who was happily munching away...

- Humm??? I loved it!

I bit off a corner and nibbled on it. Bitter, verrry strong chocolate taste and slightly burnt are the words I could use to accurately describe them. Not even close to being brownies.

In the end me and Sexual Fantasy joked about my "bad brownies" all night long while Vivi stayed munching on them saying: -“I liked them”...what's so bad about them? That night became known as the "bad brownie night" and until today it’s still a major joke.

If before my brownies were "oh-so-very-famous" now they are "oh-so-VERY-VERY-famous"!!!

P.S. I didn’t give up on making brownies…but until today, luckily they never turned out the same.

Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!

Friendly Dick and Crazy Old Lady...

Here are some "funnies" - little experiences that happen on my day to day that might be weird, ,freaky, confusing, hilarious or just plain WRONG!!! Here are a few to start off with:

Class in Big Fancy Hotel: 

- Students today we will talk about love and relationships. Who wants to go first and tell their story?

- I can teacher. That was Renan, one of my two gay students. 

- Okay, go ahead!

- Well, since I was young I knew I was gay but I fell in love with a woman and I told her: "Eliane, I am gay, I don't like guys but I love you!" and so we got married...

- Wait a second Renan, she married you even after you told her you were gay?! I questioned him.

-well, she knew I loved her so she agreed to marry me even knowing that i was gay. We were married for seven years and then we separated but until today my ex-wife and I are still the best of friends. I sleep over at her house, in her bed, both of us completely naked and nothing happens. She even had two kids after our separation.

- Renan, you have the craziest stories EVER!!! 

- Well, after seperating I became completely gay and three years ago I met this beautiful man... lindo, lindo lindoooooo!!! He was only 18 years old and our age difference was of 19 years. But now he traveled to Rio because he entered the Navy. For me it’s being real hard...imagine teacher, all the handsome men that there must be there...aiii *sighs*

- Sorry to hear about that, but such is life no?! I was about to go to the next student when Renato continued - I after really wish he hadn't but at least that gives me a new story for you, readers.

 -But do you think that I am here all alone? No way!!! I am now with another guy that is even "more lindoooou" than my true love. But this new guy is not my boyfriend, he is just my PA. I have a PA now.

- PA??? What is that student?

- PA teacher! You don't know what PA is?

- I have NO idea...really!

- Oh, I don't know if this exists in English but in Portuguese we call it Pinto Amigo!

(Little translation here: Pinto Amigo = Friendly Dick... :S)

- Do you have a Pinto Amigo/Friendly Dick teacher?

Honestly, imagine yourself in my place: classroom with seven students each one with a different expression on their faces. I did my very best to keep a straight face and answer him calmly:

- No student, I don't. I, guess that I, being a woman am more prone to try to have something a bit more serious, something like a relationship or dating someone I like. I don't really have Friendly Dicks in my agenda; but I am glad that you have one... (That seriously came out WRONG!!!) Okay, who will be next?!

If that wasn't more than enough for one day, as soon as the class finished I took a cab and went shopping for a dress in the nearby local market. After entering a few shops and not finding any that corresponded to what I was looking for I finally entered a large store with an old lady sitting on a chair with a friendly smile on her face. I choose a few dresses to try on and not after long she starts rattling.

- Ohhh, you look just lovely. This dress stays just perfect on your body!!! My God- you look absolutely fantastic!

- Why thank you! I also really liked this dress; it's exactly what I was looking for.

- Here try this other one on...I bet it will stay amazing on you!

I tried the other dress on and once again another shower of praises:

- I knew I was right my dear! You have the kind of body that men can't stop but turn their heads around to stare...do you go to the gym?

- No, no... I don't. No time. I do need to go back to exercising though - can't wait to do so...

- Well my dear, let me tell you something: you are making a big mistake because I, with my age go to the gym - and it's not only to stay healthy but it's also to continue looking good and desirable - then imagine how much more important it is for you to work out! I, I love to wear these beautiful, sexy dresses that stay tight fitting on my body, even with my age I notice when men stop by and glance at me...I have a daughter that is evangelical and she only wears long and plain clothes to cover up her body and to top it off she is still quite chubby...but I really wanted her to have a body like yours and to wear the sensual dresses that I like wearing.

My God, what a crazy old lady... I thought to myself. She continued on with her monologue:

- But look at you now! I mean; you could wear this dress to work that your boss would go crazy over you and give you a promotion on the spot! Puff! Just like that!!! Having a big bottom really helps in some situations...it helps to call attention and that way our self-esteem continues high up... I love it when men wolf-whistle to me...makes me feel superb! And you, My oh my, you look like you came out of a fashion magazine, like the "sexiest actress of the year", don't you think so?!

I just smiled at her and continued trying on the dresses. Geez, she is worse in the head than I had thought her to be... She continued:

- Let me teach you a little trick: the shorter you wear the dress the more it accentuates your bottom. And the higher your heels are the thicker your legs seem to be. I can't wear high heels anymore but I still try to dress and look my very best to make a good impression on the men - I love it when they fall backwards for me! Such a good feeling!!!

Who in the world would even do that for you lady?!!! I wish I had even a iota of your absurd high-self-esteem!!!

- After you wear these dresses you can come back and tell me all the success that you've had in your work and about the new boyfriend you will have! And what will I say? Another satisfied customer - in more ways than one!!! 

And with this she laughed at her own joke while I tried to suppress my own laughter. 

- Another tip for you darling...most of these dresses have their own padding but if you wear a padding bra under the dress your breasts will look twice - or even thrice - their true size!!! I can already imagine men passing out, the traffic stopping and you being the hottest knockout ever! I know what I am talking about: I don't tell this to every girl because not everyone has your body - some of my customers are very fat and that ruins it for them and I try to be honest with them and tell them to buy some other piece of clothing - but you are not the case. I am sure you will come back later and thank me for my tips and tell me all about your the new boyfriend you got by showing off your sensuality in these dresses you've tried on!!!

Wow, all because of a dress! Hum, a dress that will get me a boyfriend, make all the men run after me, convince my boss to give me a raise (starting with the fact that I am my own boss!)...what else? If it were really that way I would gladly buy your whole store lady!

I left the store; dress in my bag and thinking that I hadn't had so much fun buying clothes in a longgggggggg time!!!

Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!

Finding out Mr. Perfect is not so perfect...

Hello readers. Here I come with my latest weekend story.

I don’t have the best news... I mean, now it’s ok because I am over it (actually it didn’t take me longer than a few hours to get up and get over!)

This last Saturday night I went out to this super famous samba club for the first time with two of my students and plus their friends (that are now my friends since we usually go out together).

Lo and Behold, when I enter the club guess who I see? Yep, Mr. Perfect!!!

Okay, backtracking....after meeting Mr. Perfect that night in Mucuripe Club and receiving that message on my cell from him, I (IDIOT!) called him the next day and we talked. He was like superrrrrrrrrrr nice saying we had to meet each other, etc. etc. and I was like, “fine okay, whenever is good for you let me know". This was on Saturday (I met him Friday, the night before). Then the whole week...nothing - until Friday rolled around (and as you must know from reading my older blog posts, I am having dinner with the Psychiatrist when Mr. Perfect phones, says he is travelling in Santa Catarina, and that as soon as he comes back next Friday he will phone me, etc. etc.) Okay. I get all happy and stay waiting for Friday to come by for him to return and phone me. Next Friday rolls… no phone call. Okies. Saturday, Sunday, Monday....nothing! Then as if by luck I remembered that he told me that the 9th of Nov.  was his birthday - and the 9th of November was that Tuesday. I know it was another idiot move I did but I wanted to give it a last shot as everything in our first encounter was so perfect - okay, that sounded corny - but wtv. I was pretty sure that there was something extra to our first encounter and so I told myself that I would give it one last try. The initial plan was that I was going to send him an SMS but at last moment I ended up calling him. He answers the phone and once again is superrrrrrrrrrr nice with me, tells me that he just arrived from Santa Catarina last night (as his “trip” had taken longer than it was supposed to) but that he was just about to phone me (riiight!!!) as he really wanted to go out, etc. 
Honestly, I didn’t "cobrar" anything from him at all, I was just super nice and told him "Oh, I phoned because I remembered you told me it was your birthday" and then we stayed talking on the phone for a while, him asking me how I was, etc. He then says: “We should go out together, how about this weekend?” and I’m like: “Ah, that sounds real good but this weekend I am traveling to Guaramiranga for the “Novembefest” so it’s not going to work out, but call me as soon as I come back and we can work it out.” Okay....so far, so good. Another week rolls by and no phone call. No problem!

Now back to where I had first started: I am pretty much over him and out in "the jungle" back again, all dressed up and honestly looking pretty hot - and usually I don’t make a big deal on "me produzindo" when I go to a club, but this night my friend that was giving me a ride to the club got a whole hour late so I was able to “caprichar no visual”, hehe…

Anyways...we arrive at Amici's (the samba club) and there he is. Dressed with the exactly same white V neck T-shirt that he was wearing when I first met him; and honestly was one of the hottest guys in the whole club.

Once again, another mistake. Instead of just ignoring him completely, letting him see me and waiting for him to come up to me – nope! Idiocy reined and I go up to talk to him causally:

- Hi Mr. Perfect (face of total shock, even though I had seen him 10 min. before I had actually gone up to talk to him)

He looks at me, squints his eyes and furrows his brow before recognizing me.

- Hi Christy!

- Hey. This is my friend, Viviane. 

He looks her way and smiles. - Hi!

Silence.

In a last attempt at friendliness I ask him: - What are you doing here?

- Oh, I came over just to get out of the house for a little while.

Silence again. No question back. There he is with that famous "pancake batter face". I notice our "conversation" isn’t going anywhere much further.

- I see; that’s good you got out of the house for a while. Well, I am going to be around. Bye.

Before I could even hear his answer I was walking off with Vivi close behind.

I could sum up the rest of the night in one word: TORTURE!

The club is two stories high, but only in the first floor the samba band plays as the second floor is has a few sofas, pool tables, bar, and is more of a "couples making out spot". But both of us stayed on the first floor listening to the band play and because of that we crossed our paths continuously. I, on the other hand couldn’t stop thinking about him and that was driving me crazy. I looked around to see if there were any other hot guys but there was not one that came close to him (or even that caught my eye or attracted me in some way). He also stayed "na dele" drinking with his friend until almost 3:00 am which was a short while after the band stopped playing.

But as men being the creatures that they are, and him being one of the hottest guys (at least which I saw and all my friends confirmed the same) isn’t easy, and so after a while I caught him talking to a girl. Mustn’t have worked too well for him because fifteen minutes later he was once again alone. But not long after there he was, talking to a blonde, older looking girl wearing a bright red lacey shirt and jean pants.

Coincidently, he was positioned right next to the table in which my friends all were (we were a crowd of about 15 ppl or so) which didn't help much at all. I also wasn't drinking as I had to work the next day so that was off limits. If all that wasn't enough, Ximena's date had brought along his older brother who must have used all his “how to kiss a girl” tactics on me which was driving me crazy - and yet I had to continue being decent with him in consideration to his brother and Ximena - Humph!!!

Well, right then and there, I told one of my friends the whole story and she just listened attentively. Then without warning she gets up and calls over a muscular macho man and introduces him to me as being her personal trainer (I later found out that he used to be her personal trainer but no longer was anymore). He wasn't bad looking but also wasn't my type. 

-Stay with him to show Mr. Perfect that you care less, to make him jealous.

- Gabi! I don't do that. That’s not me. I hate playing these little games, always thought they were for immature and stupid people.

- Okay, so talk to him at least. Wake up friend, he isn't into you because if he was he would have come over to talk to you a long time ago. Look at this, ignore him. Don't even give him a thought; pretend you don’t even see him. Nem "tchu!"

- You're right, you're right.

I went up to Personal Trainer and we ended up talking for a while. He was pretty interesting and we talked together for a good while. Just as Gabi had predicted, Mr. Perfect all of a sudden completely stopped paying attention to the blonde and stayed looking my way every ten to ten seconds. By that time I couldn't care less and finally my head went back to working as I told myself that now he was the one without a chance and I was the one in the "could care less" position.

The night ended with Mr. Perfect going one way and the blonde the opposite way - without even a kiss going on (though I don't think it was lack of interest on her part as she stayed drooling over him their entire conversation). Not long after, I and my friends left the club as well. 

As soon as I arrive home I take a look at my cell phone and there was a missed call from... yes, from Mr. Perfect. 3: 39 am. I was faced with a decision to make.

And then I remembered a quote I once read: "Fate controls who walks into your life. You decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

This time I decided to let him go. Good-bye Mr. Not-So-Perfect. Hello to future candidates...And life goes on!!!

The Pictures Say It All!!!

Had quite a few good laughs as my sister showed me some "funnies" - here are two of them. Enjoy!!!

CAREFUL: Your Prince Charming may be a Cinderella

For the longest time I suspected that Renan was gay. Pimple faced, scrawny physique always in a suit and tie, quirky smile and his hands always click-clacking continuously on the table is the best way I could describe him. I already had confirmed my suspicions on Renato being gay, but I didn't have much to go on Renan, only the fact that he never did the famous "tilting head sideways to check out chick's ass” move (yes, I can be quite observative!) but other than that I didn't have much to go from. Since my crazy side beats my sane side I, in the middle of the class and in front of all my seven students blurt out "sem mais nem menos": 

- "Renan, are you also gay? Or is it just Renato?" I couldn't believe the question had actually come out of my mouth.

- "Yes, I am also gay teacher."

Why doesn't that answer shock me?! I had known it all along...

-"Oh, I see...I thought so. Are you married like Renato though?"

- "No, no. I am not married."

- "Do you date?"

And then I heard one of the most absurd stories in my entire life. It was simply ridiculous.

Prepare your ears!!!

- "I have a boyfriend, yes. But he is not gay, he is bisexual."

- "Oh my! Really?"

- "He even has a girlfriend! I met her a while ago and we are even friends and all."

- "But she doesn't know that you date her boyfriend does she?"

- "Well teacher, at first she had no idea. Then she found out that her boyfriend was dating a man - and that man was me. The first time we actually spoke she cussed me out and we had a huge argument, but now we are good friends and she is fine with it. We worked things out after talking about it and now we rotate weekends so each one can spend time with their boyfriend."

- "ARE YOU SERIOUS???!!!" I tried to hide my shock as much as possible but the story only got worse:

- "And the best part of it all is that my boyfriend's mother doesn't accept her but she accepts me. My boyfriend's mother told me that she'd rather her son to be with me any day than with his girlfriend." 

- "But do you guys like, you know, have threesomes or you know...the likes?" I always was bad in holding my mouth. Geez, the girl is sicker in the head than my student and his boyfriend. What has the world come to?! 

*Giggles on his side* - "No teacher, he is my boyfriend and he is also her boyfriend. Just like that. He likes both sides."

Oh, so the front side is hers and the back side is yours, eh?! Ewwww!!!

- "WOW!!!" Nothing else came out of my mouth.

- "Honestly teacher, what do you think about it though?"

Since he asked me to be honest, I said the only honest thing that I could think of: - "Honestly student, all I have to say is that this story is going to my blog!!!"

Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!

Because if you really love it, you’ll do it!

A lot of people compare writing with breathing. Something they do without thinking, something that doesn’t require any effort or concentration or even deliberation. It “just happens” – no time, no thought, no nothing.

But that is not the way it is for me. Don’t take me wrong – I love writing – even being that the only parallel in which I could compare writing = breathing is the fact that I can’t live without writing. It’s something that I HAVE to do. But unlike the people I mentioned above, I do need to stop and focus before I begin to write – no matter how insignificant or short the article may be. I do need to shut myself in my room, lock the door and block out all the many “to-do’s” that keep popping in my head, I do need to “goggle search” certain words, terms or slang to make sure I am using them properly. And yes, after I’ve said and done it all I still need to double-check the final product. By the time I am done putting what is in my head all down on paper I feel exhausted, my hands are tired, my neck aches from straining it forward in some awkward position. But my head is light, inside I feel good and I know that for today I’m over. It was worth it.

So if you feel like I do and sometimes wonder if it’s worth all the effort you need to go through, or see yourself comparing with so many people that claim the words just “flow” whenever they sit, pen and paper in hand (or nowadays more like, laptop and fingers clicking…) and make it all sound and seem so easy – don’t give up! Do what works for you. Whether that is forcing yourself to write at a set hour of your day each day, shutting yourself off to the world, or even promising yourself a prize as soon as you get that piece of work done – do it!

 Because if you really love it, you’ll do it!

HELP WANTED!!!

To all my readers and even the "yet-to-be-readers" of my blog: HELP WANTED!!!

I come here in search of advice. Yes, yes, even a proud and bossy Aries like me admits the need for some feedback and counsel here and there.

Let me begin from the start. A few days ago, completely by chance I came upon this great article that a very well-to-do blogger wrote. He gives great advice to bloggers and offers a lot of very useful tips. In this article the writer ends up giving his reader a little something to do - a little homework so to say. As I love action, I decided that I would give it a go and do the following homework he passes. Here is the suggested exercise:

EXERCISE:

The best way to really get a feel for what makes blogs so special is to go out and read a few.

Find as many interesting blogs as you can and note the following:

1. What appeals to you

2. What does not appeal to you

3. What sort of content they provide

4. How often they update

5. What sort of reader reaction they get

And so I spent all day scouring almost a hundred blogs or so  - some that captivated me the very second I clicked on it and others that were totally uninteresting or major fails (like one in which the blogger would every single day post a “cat of the day” picture along with a short story on that cat’s life – retarded!!!!) I finally concluded the above exercise. Here it goes:

1.               What appeals to me:

• When the writer gives counsel that I can apply. 
• Uses stories. I specially LOVE what I call “story blogs” in which the blogger tells personal things of their life.
• Is funny. 
• Uses bullets/numbers things up/clear paragraphs. 
• Doesn’t only show the “rosy side” of the story but also tells embarrassing things and experiences that went wrong in his/her personal life.

       2. What doesn’t appeal to me:

• When the writer takes too long to update his/her posts. 
• Generalizes too much. 
• There isn’t a continuation on an older post.

      3. What sort of content they provide:

•  Sex, relationships, differences in men and women, relationships, etc.
• Health care, dieting, fashion, etc.
• Personal life stories.
• "How - To's" 
• Self Help. 

       4. How often do they update:

• Every day
• Once a week
• Once every two weeks
• Varies...no way to know for sure 

       5. What sort of reader reaction they get:

• A lot of women in this site. Some men too. 
• Has many faithful fans. 
• A lot of comments. (Note: blogger answers most comments back – that must be a rough thing to do!)

 As I was doing this exercise a whole bunch of thoughts popped into my head. I can't say that they were completely new ones that came just out of the blue because that wasn't the case. I had actually been thinking about a lot of things but while doing this exercise I had the opportunity of going ahead and putting these thoughts on paper since I was already "com a mão na massa". After writing it all down, I went to organizing them even better yet. After that I still let it rest for over a week and commented the idea with a few of my friends/students/family which happen to follow my blog: some are avid readers, others just enter here and there whenever they suspect they might end up in a story (which is usually not the case much to their disappointment...or relief!). Anyways, after getting quite a bit of feedback on my new idea but still quite unsure on whether I should go ahead with it or not I decided that no one would know better what to do than my readers who frequent my blog. And so that is the story behind my cry for HELP!!! So here is the deal:

1.               I will open a new blog. Basically it's going to be a diary blog where I will type down the pages of my old diaries starting with the first page of my very first diary. I'll also scan old childhood/teenage pictures to add in the fun. As I already do with this blog, I will change the names of the "not so innocent" to preserve their privacy. I will post three times a week, three different posts:

1st – A page of my diary/journal. (Note: I will always type in sequence without skipping any pages).

2nd – A scan of an old photo. Story to go along with it - might be of the person in the photo, what happened the day it was taken, etc.

3rd – A personal remembrance. Some memory that comes to mind which belongs to that week’s timeline.

2.               My present blog, "Welcome to My Life":

I still am not sure about this idea but it popped in my head and I've been considering it more and more each day even though it sounds kind of quirky: I will post a picture of myself everyday - be it when I just woke up, inside the overcrowded bus, cooking my 11:00 pm dinner, watching my favorite reality show, sleeping, going out to work, etc. For this I will also try new makeup tricks, styles of clothes, hairdos, shoes, etc. to keep it fun and different - though it's not also like as if every picture that I post I'll be wearing makeup and dressed up in the latest fashion... most of them will be the plain, "al naturale" pictures.

Other than that I will continue posting about the following subjects:

·         My love life

·         My students and their stories

·         Funny moments as a teacher

·         Teaching English tips

·         Things I do when I am not teaching

Well, now it's up to you!!! Please let me know your thoughts, ideas, critics, suggestions, etc. etc. As soon as I get 50 people's 2% I will go ahead and implement the above ideas (of course, based on your feedback!).

But even after that I will still be more than glad to hear what you have to say. Other than posting a comment you can also write me a Facebook message, scrap, send me an email at christy_shine00@yahoo.com or even tell me your mind on the matter personally. 

Waiting to hear from you!!!

Embarrassing moments as an English teacher

Being an English teacher is not always easy. You have to deal with a lot of different types of people, genes, temperaments, and the list goes on – aside from the above list, you are prone to find yourself in more embarrassing situations that an average person would never dream of going through.

Of course, I am sure we've all had some embarrassing moments that we'd love to forget about. Whether it was being caught picking your nose in public, someone barging in when you are "busy" sitting in the toilet, a wedgie in when you are talking to the guy you've got the hots for - situations we've all found ourselves in at some point or another of our lives.

As a teacher I have also had a few "embarrassing moments" but instead of trying to forget them, which any normal thinking person would do, I will share them with you my readers and hope you have a good read - who knows the laughs you get out of them may be worth the extra embarrassment in sharing them.

The first tale happened with me just a few days ago. I arrived at Henrique's apartment (a new student - works with Ximena) but since it was only the second time I went there I gave the wrong apartment number to the doorman.

- Apartment No.602. Henrique. I am Christy, the English teacher.

- Let me give it a ring.

After a few seconds the doorman put his head out the window. - Sorry Mam, but no one is answering the phone. If I am not mistaken the interphone in their apartment is under repair.

- Oh... well then, let me phone Henrique to let him know I am here.

- Ok, no problem.

I dialed Henrique's number and let him know I was in his apartment building.

- Come right up, come right up. Henrique said in his serious manner. I turned off the phone.

As soon as I did so, an older woman passed by. The doorman's face lighted.

- Oh, look! That's the maid of apartment 602. You can go up to the apartment with her. Let me call her over so she can do you that favor.

- Thanks. I smiled coyly.

I followed the old, dark skinned maid into the elevator while little did I know that I would soon find myself in an extremely embarrassing situation.

The elevator door opened. The maid rang the doorbell and a lady in her mid-forties wearing boxers and a grey baggy oversized T-shirt opened the door for us to come in. As I entered I scanned the room around me. The color of the walls were different. The decoration was sparse. A few meters away from me stood a young boy and an old, old man. When I first saw him I almost jumped. Shirtless with all his ribs and bones in clear view,  eye pupils in the middle of nowhere, mouth half-way open with saliva dripping down - a complete vegetable - freakyyyyyyyyy! And then it came to me: "This can't be Henrique's apartment!!!"

- I think I am in the wrong place. I blurted out to the woman I supposed was the landlady.

- I'm sorry, what would you like here? Her wary voice gave out her suspicion. I guess she must also have woken up to the fact that I was inside the wrong apartment.

- I am sorry. Does Henrique live here? I managed to ask.

- There is no Henrique here, whoever that person is. The lady looked over to the maid, who then tried to save face.

- The doorman told me to escort her here. I was just following orders.

- But I came here last week, to apartment No. 602... I don't understand. I continued.

I was quickly escorted out the door, but not before glancing over at the vegetable man and the young boy that had surprise written all over his face. I bet it was the weirdest thing he had ever seen. A young, lost teenager barging into some random apartment and claiming it to be the same place she had been in only a week ago. 

The door banged in my face. My mind raced trying to find out what in the world had happened. I opened my agenda where Henrique's address was scribbled down and then I saw it: Apartment No.1602 - the difference that a little number can do. I cracked up in the elevator at the embarrassing situation I had just been through and told myself I would keep my mouth shut and not share this little news with Henrique as he might just think I am crazy (which wouldn't be too far from the truth).

The other story I will tell here happened a month or two ago but because of its highly embarrassing content rate the following episode still remains fresh in my mind. 

I went to give Jones and Sexual Fantasy a class at their company (usually we have classes at Jones' house) and since I arrived a bit early I stayed waiting in the reception room. When the clock hit 9:00 am I got up and went to the security guard that "checks you out" and gives you a "visitors" identification badge to pin on your shirt before going in. All the times I had been there the guard was a man, but much to my luck, a hunky-chunky coloured woman stood right in front of me blocking my way to the entrance door.

- Hi. I am here to see Jones and Sexual Fantasy. I am their English teacher.

- It looks like we have a problem here though, Mam. You are wearing shorts and it's forbidden for anyone to enter the company wearing shorts.

Since it's pretty hot here in Fortaleza I added the new "tights under shorts" trend as that way I wouldn't be with my bare legs out nor sweating like a pig. I really like this style as its real cute and since I wear them with trouser shorts and a social shirt to match it takes out the "sexyness" signals it might send off had I chosen to just wear the shorts with nothing underneath. But today it seemed like I made the wrong choice.

- But I am not wearing shorts. I mean, I am...but I am wearing stockings underneath them. Black stockings to top it off.

- They're still shorts you are wearing.

- Are you serious? I mean, if I was showing off my bare legs than fine, I understand. But I am wearing black stockings underneath them and for all I know they count as much as pants, don't you think?

- A rule is a rule! 

Great! So much for trying to patronize her... let me try something different...

- So what am I supposed to do now? I can't just go back!!!

Hunky chunky female guard just shrugged her shoulders up and down as if wanting to say: "That's not my problem!" 

- Mrs. Guard... I come from very far away, I catch three buses, standing up, with sweaty people, and I need to give this class (ok, slight exaggerations were used there - but I was desperate!). Last time I came here I was wearing a dress and the guard let me pass just fine. 

- That's because dresses are allowed. Shorts aren't.

I really don't think I am getting anywhere...sigh!

And then my phone rang. It was Sexual Fantasy. Completely embarrassed I told him what was going on at the reception and asked him to help me out. I sometimes wish I hadn't, because help he did, in his own way. He got so pissed off at the guard not allowing me to pass that he called one of the main managers that called another manager and then yet another one and they all came to "check my outfit out" to see if I could enter since I WAS wearing stockings underneath my shorts. I wanted to hide my face as the managers with their "caras de safados" checked out my ass several times and then finally let me pass. As if that wasn't enough, the story spread through the whole entire company of the "hot teacher that was denied entrance" and until today people still laugh as they describe the three managers inspecting me so that I could pass.

Whenever I come home and tell my family the "embarrassing moment of the day" they just laugh out loud and confirm what everybody else tells me: "Christy, these things only happen with you!!!" 

Great! Just my luck... :/

Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!