Going Dutch?

A recurrent topic which has been frequently coming up is the one about bill paying. The big question was (and still is) should a man foot the bill when he calls a girl on a date? And what about on the second date? And what about when you are already dating?

I always had a very strong opinion on this topic and was always more than ready to give my two percent (something which I will soon be doing here!) but since this subject was continuously being brought up by both my male and female students I noticed how much opinions differ.

A personal experience which my beautiful model-like student, Rafaela told me left me holding my sides of so much laughter...it was something like this:

Rafaela: I can't pass by a Bebelu's that I automatically grimace.

Me: Me too...I hate grubby food! Plus, everything that is on their menu includes meat which makes life all the harder for a vegetarian. Last and only time I went there I was forced to eat Styrofoam french fries as there wasn't anything else.

Rafaela: I actually don't mind the food there and up to a short while ago it was one of my regular snack spot.

Me: Ohhh...so, why the hatred towards Bebelu's?

Rafaela: Now this is an embarrassing story.

Gleide, Rafaela's classmate laughed aloud.

Me: Now I'm always up for an interesting story! :D

Gleide: Go on, tell the story - I want to hear what Christy has to say about it - I can only imagine...

Rafaela: Well, one extra opinion never hurt anyone - even if it means some extra embarrassment. I had this guy a while ago that I'd go out with and stay every now and then - nothing serious, just some fun.

Me: Friends with benefits!

Gleide: That's what you call it?

Me: *little grin* yep! Isn't it so? So what happened to your "benefited friend" Rafa?

Rafaela: One lazy afternoon as I was studying in my room he just appears out of nowhere and barges in. And then invites me out for a snack at Bebelu's. Since I had been studying all afternoon and my mind was almost entering "mental breakdown" mode I agreed right away! Lucky me I brought some money along, you know "just in case" but I most definately wasn't expecting to spend it.

Me: I also have that "always-bring-some-money-just-in-case-of-an-emergency" mindset. 

Rafaela: Yeah. So me and the "boy" start ordering. And that day I was hungry, like REALLY hungry! While I picked out the biggest, largest, tallest, most expensive sandwich in the menu I notice he asks the waiter for the smallest, tiniest, thinnest sandwich - that is, if you could even call it a sandwich!

Me: Geez...that's a big 'RED LIGHT" flashing signal in itself!

Rafaela: Believe me, it gets worse! As I sipped on my extra-large coke I see the "boy" discreetly call the waiter and barely mutter out if he could get him a cup of water. I at first thought I had heard wrong, but no, he actually asked for a cup of water "on the house" which meant tap water straight from the faucet! My bottom felt like slipping all the way down the chair and under the table and then running away crouched down all the way back home! 

Me: But did he at least pay the bill?

Rafaela: ARE YOU KIDDING? I paid the bill, got up telling him that I needed to go back to studying while he said: "I thought I was at least going to get a kiss from you..."

Me: Huahauahuahuahuaah!!!

Gelide: Hahahahhahahahaha!!!

Rafaela: You guys laugh all you want. I felt like whacking the wacko and never again went out or even saw him again! And then he still has the nerve to send me the following text message: "Where are you? What did I do that you don't want to go out with me anymore?"

Gleide: Talk about some nerve there!

Me: Look, honestly speaking for myself: I don't mind paying the bill! I really don't mind going Dutch!

Gleide and Rafaela: WHAT???!!!
Me: It's true. I don't. It's the following: We are no longer living in the nineteenth century anymore - we're in the 21st century that's what! We woman now work, make good money, fend for ourselves and the likes. But I will tell you what I do mind: I do mind when a guy doesn't try to impress me. Because the one thing that every man craves from the woman he cares the slightest about is something called approval. And the way men get approval is by impressing the women they go out with. And what's the best way to impress? Yep, by paying the bill! If the guy doesn't have the money to pay the bill and wants to impress you he should either be honest with you (which is VERY rare, but every now and then it happens) or he take you out somewhere he can afford to pay, and he'll pay! For me the only problem when a guy doesn't offer or try to pay my share of the bill - especially when he's INVITED me out - is that I stay with a little thought at the back of my head thinking: how much am I worth to this guy?! If he isn't even trying so much as to make a good impression on me by at least offering to pay the meal he's invited me to then I don't know why I'll want a second date with this guy!

Gleide: Funny, I hadn't ever thought about it that way, but you definitely have a point there!

Rafaela: Completely agree with you Teacher! If the "boy" had been honest enough instead of just surprising me with his suspicious manner and later on with the bill I wouldn't have gotten so horrified and repulsed by him. I would just have let it go and most likely we'd have other future "Bebelu Snack Dates!"

Me: Yeah, seriously, if the guy can get to be humble enough to tell me that he is going through a rough patch or can't afford to pay that will just make me respect him all the more and I'll more than gladly pay the bill - Okay, only my part of the bill that is- I'd never pay a guy's share no matter how bad he's doing financially!

Gleide: Hahaha...totally agree! Or just do some kind of outing that doesn't involve money.

Me: Yeah, why not? I am going out with him because he is good company or whatnot and not for his money. And in my conception I think that when you do get to dating there is absolutely nothing wrong in going Dutch. I sure wouldn't mind it at all, I'd most likely even push for it. Call it feminism or whatever but I think it's only fair and even good to keep a relationship even and clear that you are with the guy because you actually like him and not because you are interested in his money. Really, if it was about the money then all I'd have to do is get some rich gringo guy to support me! Ewwww....

Rafaela: Sad only we women go through this, no?

But only a week later I found out - much to my amazement - that Rafaela was wrong! There I was at the big fancy hotel I give classes to when I bump into my gay student, Renan. 

Renan: Hi darliiinggg!

Me: Hi darling! How's work? And do come up with a good explanation of why you missed out on class today!

Renan: Ahh, just too much work to do. 

Me: Humm, I see. Sorry to hear that. So, any recent news? Any new boyfriend in your life?

Renan: Nope! Just sad cases...men nowadays aren't what they used to be before.

Me: Well look at that! Now that's something we both agree on. Hehehe... but do explain the reason for your whole frustration with the male species. You know, you're a guy and so you should understand your fellow male companions’ just right. Really, if I could ever be a lesbo - which I just CAN'T - I don't think I'd be having too many problems. I understand my species so well. All you do is give them lots of nice compliments, attention, listen to their long-winded conversations, give them that plain old shoulder to cry on...it's not much of a secret! So tell me why you that are gay can't even get that to work!

Renan: You teacher always prodding in my life - and I LOVE it!!! You can actually get me to talk and open up.

Me: So go ahead. Open up!

Renan: I had this guy I was flirting with...I met him at Badoo...

Me: Ohhh...an internet "get laid" site. Wow!

Renan: Exactly! Well, then the other day I suggested we meet up somewhere to see how we would hit off. He instantly said he thought it was a great idea and asked me where I'd like to go. I told him that I enjoy quiet places and that a little bar would do just the trick for me. And do you know what he then answered back?!

Me: What?

Renan: HABIBS!!!

Me: WHAT?!!!

Renan: Yes you heard it, HABIBS!!! He still added that it had a great "family environment", can you believe it?!

Me: Oh believe me, I can! Well, that way at least you don't have to worry about going Dutch!