Yep, it has been ages since I have last written something in this blog of mine. So long that I had almost forgotten that I had it. And then something happened. I started noticing that I got a LOT of visitors reading my stories, writing me about how good they were, how much they would make them laugh, how I had a "talent" in writing (though I still dont entirely believe them, but okay, still feels good to hear it!) and so I thought: "Well, if it makes that many people happy, have a good time and enjoy themselves and if writing silly true stories of my life helps me kick off some of my stress, cut back a bit from my workaholic hours and make me do something I enjoy so very much doing, why not?!" And so that is what made me go back to writing this blog: YOU! Yes, every one of you who have asked me to go back to writing, everyone that has visited and read my corny and foolish stories, who has complimented and urged me onward - you are what forced me out of my lazy bottom and made me come back to once again writing yet another true story of my life as...yes, a private English teacher! :D This story is the following. I have three students: Luiz (a young handsome 28 year old guy), Maria (Luiz's mother which is a complete Madam!) and Túlio (Madame Maria's younger brother, a total whiz that knows perfectly how to get on my nerves without even trying!). These three students are quite the trio and harder than having to make sure they learn English is having to deal with their moods, tantrums, personalities an idiosyncrasies. But it is all good as they do pay me VERY well and are always sweet, kind and trying to please their "crazy teacher". So we love each other and deal with each other.
One night I arrive at their home ready to give them class:
Madame Maria: Teacherrrrr!!! You look B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!! Guess what? You will get paid to do absolutely nothing today, all you have to do is entertain us! hahahaha
"Entertain you...wow! Isn't that what I do every single class? I think I would rather just give an English class instead..." I think to myself
Me: WOW! Look at that! And why is that so?
Luiz: Yeah teacher, my mother is going to make me loose my class.
Madame Maria: Oh son, you know it is not my fault!
While I stood there not understanding a thing, Túlio arrives hand in hand with what I noticed would have been a short woman if it weren't for the absurdly high florescent orange stiletto heels she was wearing.
Túlio: Good evening Teacher! Meet my sister, Paula.
Paula, besides from seeming tall (even though she was short) was a woman of about 40 some years of age. Botox, plastic surgery, layers of bright makeup, bright red dyed hair and a icny, wincy tiny white dress held all her fat in once place. I could only imagine the zipper popping open and everything that was held so well inside that tiny piece of material flopping and sagging all over and about.
Paula: Call me Muse! I am a Muse! Hahahahha... and off she went laughing about her own joke.
Me: Ha. Ha. Ha. I tried joining in her laughter but not much left my throat.
Five minutes into a conversation with the Muse and the only thought that came to my head was that she must have been poor and won the lottery a week ago. Seriously (though I know it isn't so and it was really nothing more than a thought). The reason for this thought? Well, that is easy. The woman only knew how to talk about herself and her possessions. She told me about her house in Manaus (where she lives with her husband) and how it had a disco inside of it, sauna, ginormous pool, garden and even a helicopter parked right in it for whenever she needed to come and go at a moments notice. From there she went on to her photographer - which she mentioned loud and clear is the very same one as Ivete Sangalo's - and all the magnificent parties she hosts for her guests in many special occasions.
"Well at least she is the one doing the entertaining...I mean, I sure wouldn't want to have to entertain her! My bus ride stories wouldn't make enough of an impact I guess. "
Muse: Sooo...as I was saying...
The Muse broke my train of thought and once again there I was hearing her incessant blabber. Just that this time it got to be more than just blabber. She brought us all a grand surprise, There in the living room was me, Madame Maria, Madame Maria's spirited daughter Francia, Túlio's girlfriend Glesse, Luiz's perfect naive little girlfriend Monique, the family's old time maid Marisa and the old cook (whose name I don't remember) and of course, The Muse. The men kept to themselves at the balcony, drinking and eating shrimp.
Muse: Sooo as I was saying, I was getting ready to come here and was getting dressed up as I wanted to look beautiful and my very best so all of you could envy my great looks while my darling husband was calling out to me "Honey, get ready soon we are going to get late for our flight" and you see he pressured me so much but so much that look... she turned around so that she stood backwards to all of us women, pulled up her white micro dress up until her hips and declared to us: I FORGOT MY PANTIES!!!
And there it was, her bare bottom for all to see. A bottom straight in our faces! Monique jumped up in surprise almost falling off her chair, Madame Maria could only cover her mouth in a very lady like attitude of shock, Francia screamed out loud: "AUNTIEEE!!!" and I couldn't help but scream and crack up at the same time at what I had just seen.
If that wasn't bad enough she then still had the delight of adding extra momentum to her porn show by slapping it and saying in a shrilly voice: "Look how nice and firm it is!"
By this time all of us women were laughing and screaming out loud in total horror, shock and surprise!
In that split second the only thing I knew for sure is that richness cant heal you from mental illness... oh, and that I would be having a nightmare that night for sure!
