Having the desire and inspiration to write once again is great - but having time to do so is even greater yet! As always I feel like writing more than my finger can type and I bet even more than my mind can grasp and take a hold of.
I usually choose a specific subject which I will write about and focus on getting that story down on paper or on Molly's (yep, the name of my laptop!) screen. But today I decided that I don`t want to concentrate on any specific recent story, happening, student of subject. I just want to free my mind and talk about myself and my life... and this time not only my life as a teacher but as Christy - just simple, funny and somewhat crazy Christy.
The past month I decided that one thing I needed desperately to do was to find myself out. Not who others thought I was, not what my parents expected me to be, not what my friends say I am, not what my students mention when they recommend me to their workmates and colleagues, not what is posted on my Facebook profile, and not even what I believe myself to be - I wanted to explore myself and find out what made me, me.
Yes I know, it all sounds pretty deep and philosophical and even somewhat stupid and moronic. But it's what I felt I needed to do if I was to continue living the life I live today - and not go completely crazy with it at the same time. I needed to find out what really made me happy, what would trigger me to get excited and get my oh-so-many-goals done, what would cause my major dry spells (it's what I call when I get on a major low mood which seems just not to go away) and what would make me get up and get over it. Basically I wanted to inspection myself from top to bottom, inside out and upside down and all over and around. I can't say I have completely done that yet (the whole full body inspection, heh!) but I can say I started, and by starting I am already more than halfway down my path of progress.
The very first thing I found about myself is that I am a workaholic. Nope, not someone that likes working hard and enjoys putting in the hours but an actual workaholic. Someone that always has to be working so as not to go crazy. It's actually an addiction and compulsion which makes me cut out on meals and sleeping hours, forget family and friends, and constantly keep thinking how I can manage to get more work done in those stupidly short 24 hours a day.
Sunday used to be a the death for me - the day just wouldn't seem to end and as much as I wanted to cut back and relax by the end of the day I couldn't help but see myself deep cleaning my parents room, re-organizing all my English material, and cooking some elaborate dinner for my whole family - all to get my mind off the fact that wasn't "doing anything". Getting my first Sunday students was a godsend and Sunday isn't a hassle to get by through anymore because now it's just any other day; the only difference is that I get to sleep a few extra hours, do my laundry and clean my room which looks something like the survival of a tornado and volcano catastrophe.
This last Sunday as I was giving class to my student and great friend, Sandy couldn't help but spit out in her own seriously funny way: "Teacher, are you a wastebasket?" ("wastebasket"...she just loves that word! haha). It was then that I noticed that my nails were undone, my hair looked like a hay nest, I was dressed as simple as could be and there were dark eye-bags around my eyes. Yes, I exceeded myself! I was taking work to such an absurd degree that even my own personal appearance had gone down the drain and what I never thought would ever happen just had.
The good thing is that after this little incident plus this month of inward inspection of myself I was finally able to admit to myself that I am a workaholic and need some help. What kind of help, where and how I will get that help...well I don't know yet. But like I said a bit earlier, just seeing and realizing helps a great deal.
Other than being a workaholic I found out that I love being spontaneous, hate routines and robotic schedules (and people as well!) and if there isn't any new surprises in my life I'll go and find some - and if there isn't any to find I might just as well go and make some up for myself then!
What else? I'm as curious as a little girl can be; always want to know what is inside her Christmas present weeks before she can actually get to open her package. What do I do when my curiosity can stand it no longer? I research! I go on an all-out attack and tell myself that if there is something I don't understand, can't put my finger on it or it just makes my head spin I might as well cave all over and around it until I can at least find out something (or somethings) that will be enough to satiate my curiosity at least for that present moment.
Food also plays a big part in my life. In this weird way I'd say - like for example I can stay a whole day without eating because i will be so into my work and getting all the many things on my "to-do-list" done that food won't even dare to pop into my head; but then when I do want to calm down and relax the first two things that will enter my head to help me get into a relaxing mood are: reading and FOOD!!!
Think about this: Food is the greatest pleasure in life (yes I know that didn't quite sound right, but hang on there) for many simple reasons: You can do it whenever you want, as much as you want, anyplace you want, you don't have to depend on others for it as well but if you do have others while you are enjoying this pleasure all the better yet, you can do it with a little or a lot of money, anytime of the day, in any situation - and the best part of it all? you never get tired of it!
My students always crack up when I tell them: "I know why God didn't make me rich - if I had been born rich i most definitely would be obese!!!"
I once read in a book that there is one thing that every single person on Earth loves to talk about: and that is about himself/herself - and so today instead of talking about myself I have changed methods a bit and written about it. Not that I think anyone will be all that interested but hey, who cares no? At least i just did something I (and everyone else) loves doing!
