And here I go again...writing about the male species. As I mentioned in an older post, most of my students are men. Young men, old men, married men, single men, men that are dating, handsome men, rich men, intelligent men, men that are more than well off, ugly men...or so, basically MEN! And don't get me wrong now, I definitely don't feel like I am the "know it all" or anything of the sorts - even because most of my relationships are a total flop and so I can't say much based on my own personal life - but since a year ago when I started giving private English classes to a number of men from all walks of life I have seen a lot. And by seeing a lot I have also learnt a lot - and with a lot, I mean A LOT!!!For example, I have a student called Rascal. He is 29 years old, medium height, light tan skin, black short cropped hair, major flabby beer belly (heh! yes, we women do notice pretty much everything!) and a bit hunky as well. He isn't even close to what I would call "Hot" or "Handsome" and even "good looking" would be a bit over rated. But for some reason, women run to him like bees to honey. He has a young little naive girlfriend and yet he goes out at least thrice a week on dates with other women. And to top it off, these women (or girls) actually run after him.
One certain class I decided I would let my inquisitive-self come out and I’d fire him with questions as my curiosity needed to be quenched.
Me: Hey Rascal, may I ask you a question?
Rascal: Usually I would answer this question with a simple yes, but since it's you that is asking...ihhh teacher, aqui vem!
Me: hahaha...yeah. Anyways, can I ask?
Rascal: You will ask anyways won't you?
Me: Ahh, quit being a pain!
Rascal: Go ahead teacher, ask.
Me: Okay. As you know, lately I have been having problems with you men.
Rascal: Ohhh, men - that's plural, no? Hummm...
Me: Hahaha...You know I am not that kind of girl so don't even start. Now listen.
Rascal: I am all ears.
Me: Sooo... I want to know how you men are able to get girls so easily, make them go after you, have so many all at once and still keep them all... ah, I don't know! Tell me, what exactly do you do that makes so many woman want to stay with you? And with that I mean like, even to the point of giving you sex, etc. etc.
Rascal: Easy teacher. I don't know what the other guys do but for me it's a three step trick. The first step is raise the girl's ego. Compliment her. Not those corny compliments like "you look so beautiful today" but little things like noticing the sandals she is wearing or the way she did her hair; or for nerds like you calling them smart and intelligent also does the trick.
Me: NERDS LIKE ME???!!! I have been getting that a lot lately...
Rascal: You read too many books that's what! But don't stop just because I am calling you a nerd... actually I think you are the only girl in which I can talk to that has something in her brains and that serves for good conversation. I already told you that you don't think like a 21 year old but more like a 30 year old.
Me: Humph! Okay, I guess I will continue being a nerd then. Hehehehe... So tell me, what are the other two steps?
Rascal: Step No. 2 is inviting her out. I always take my girls out to sushi, crepes or a romantic dinner setting. Sushi is great because it is light food so it doesn't come in the way of what is going to happen later.
Me: With that you mean sex?
Rascal: Of course. Why else would I be taking her out?! Anyways, back to the subject…I order a good wine. Feign sincere interest in her. Listen to her. The whole deal. The woman feels like a queen and deep down she thinks "if he went all the way to do this for me I am sure he will want something serious." The thing is teacher; a lot of men don't know how to play it right. They want everything quick and easy and so they end up with nothing. Make a woman feel special, take her to some nice place, pay the bill, maybe even pick her up at home... it all adds up. And then after that it works like magic: SEX at the motel!!!
Me: What??? Just like that?!!!
Rascal: Why not?!
Me: And what about step three?
Rascal: Well, I only do "step three" if the sex was worth it and she proved her worth in bed - if not, forget step three.
Me: Which is...???
Rascal: Follow-up. Send text messages every here and there, remember her birthday, write a little message on her Facebook, call every once in a while. Stay in touch. Not disappear. But you also don't want anything serious so you don't go after her as well. Just let her know you are around. Now is Easter and guess what I will do with all the Easter eggs I receive? I will pass them on to my snacks.
Me: Snacks? Like the girls you "snack on"?
Rascal: Exactly!
Me: Even the Easter egg you own girlfriend gives you?
Rascal: Sure. Do you know how much an Easter egg costs? Imagine me having to buy seven or eight...or even more? I am not even that fond of chocolate anyways!
Me: Um hum... Wow Rascal...what can I say?!!!
Rascal: Ah teacher, you have seen nothing. I have a cousin that has sex every single day. He's just addicted on sex. And he doesn't even have a girlfriend to use on Monday's or when he's sick like I do.
Me: Yeah, but he pays for sex then.
Rascal: Not at all!!! Never! Why should he if there are girls that are more than willing to give it to him for free?
Me: Ahhh, C’mon! You got to be kidding me! Every day? Like every single day??? Nahhh!!!
Rascal: Yes! Here, let me show you. An example is worth more than a thousand words.
Me: What do you mean?
Rascal took his cell phone from his pocket, put it on speaker phone and put his finger to his lips motioning me to be quiet. After a few rings a girl with a squeaky voice answered.
Girl: Alo?
Rascal: Alo meu amor...
Girl: Who is it?
Rascal: You don't even remember my voice, meu amor...
Girl: Rascal?
Rascal: Who else would it be meu amor?
Girl: Your voice is different, that's all. I didn't recognize it.
Rascal: Yes, this last week I was sick in bed, got a bad cough and cold. Now I am a bit better.
Girl: Ohh... sorry to hear that. Are you better now?
Rascal: A lot better, a lot better. So, tell me, how have you been?
Girl: I'm good. Very busy.
Rascal: Even too busy for me?
*Squeaky giggles from the squeaky voiced girl*
Rascal: When can you see me?
Girl: I have been studying a lot lately, the tests have been driving me crazy.
Rascal: I can only imagine. But I am sure you can organize some time for me on your busy agenda, can't you? Or more, some time for us.
Girl: Ummm...not too sure about that (she was trying to play it hard!)
Rascal: No? Ah meu amor...I wanted to take you out to dinner so bad. Catch up with a good conversation. You know I love doing that with you.
Girl: Well, phone me tomorrow...I might have some free time then.
Rascal: Tomorrow sounds good. I will call you then so we can work out the details.
Girl: Don't forget to phone me then...I will be expecting your phone call. (Hard outer exterior all of a sudden colapses...splat!)
Rascal: Okay. Don't worry about it.
Girl: See you tomorrow then.
Rascal: Bye. Kisses
Girl: Kisses....
But for Rascal tomorrow wasn't good enough. He wanted today! And so off he went on to another phone call. And then yet another. And with each one he got exactly the results he wanted (and expected!) to get - while I sat there with my mouth wide open and agape.
Me: Student, how old is that last girl you just phoned?
Rascal: 23 years old.
Me: Geez... I am seriously surprised! I mean...geeezz!!! No wonder all the guys nowadays don't want anything serious! If I was a guy I wouldn't want anything serious as well - or at least not until I turned forty some or so... Like seriously, how can it just be so easy???!!!
Rascal: Hehehe...see? I told you it was easy. Peasy. And this is because I only started on my list. One night I decided I wanted to raid my fridge and did something crazy. I went out with three girls in one night - and yes, had sex with all of them. I felt bad for the last one as I was working in not even 50% of my capacity. *smirk*
Me: Oh God!
After this little episode I decided I would do a bit more of researching on the matter and started asking other male students pretty much the same related questions. What did I find out? That Rascal was not some lucky "one in a million" guy that could get a ton of girls. The stories and scenarios my other students told me were pretty much the same as him - some didn't even go through the work of calling their "snacks" - text messages would more than do the trick so why waste time and saliva, no?!
And so all week I pondered on the sad state we women are in relation to men. Okay, honestly I don't have anything against friendly sex in which both sides know what is going on (or so, basically it's ONLY sex!) because that way no one has any expectations, no one gets deluded, heartbroken and has to end up suffering since it's clear and clean. But I am pretty sure it's not usually the case. These poor girls most likely buy all the latest magazines and read the most enlightening articles like "How to be a Girlfriend Without Driving Him Away" (being that he never even mentioned dating her in first place), "How to Get Him to Commit" or even "Why He Stopped Calling" (that is most likely is after the guy got bored of the sex or changed her for a new partner). Not to say that every time their cell phone rings or a new text message appears their heart skips a beat hopping it's "him"... and that's not even mentioning the guy's actual girlfriend who naively goes to sleep feeling warm and cozy - or worried and wondering where her boyfriend might be that night... and so you see, that's where I disagree. If it's going to just be something "casual" guys should have the nerve and guts to tell the girls so. But then again, as one of my students put it out for me "- Well teacher, if I do so how many girls do you think will actually still want to have sex after hearing me 'tell the truth'? That doesn't work...and sex is sex so if being "fofo e carinhoso" works why not, eh?!"
Having put all this in consideration I had pretty much come to the point of conclusion that we women are just doomed when it comes down to men. That is, until my next class with Rascal...
Me: Morning Student!
Rascal: Good Morning Teacher! *yawns* I'm dead.
Me: By the look on your face I am guessing last night was quite the night.
Rascal: You are a good guesser.
Me: You are not the only male morning student I have...anyways, where is your homework?
Rascal: Ahhh teacher... I didn't get to do it...
Me: Of course you didn't. You were doing someone... I mean, something else, no?
Rascal: Hahahhaa... something like that. But I promise it won't happen again. Next time I will come with all my homework done. Promise.
Me: I want to see that happen!
Rascal: I'm serious! I am going to my girlfriend's house next time and I will do my homework with her. That way I will get my nightly sex and get my homework done as well. She will feel all special that I am doing something together with her and you will be pleased with me as well. See? I will kill two birds with one stone that way.
Me: I feel bad for your girlfriend. Seriously, I pray to God that I won't ever date someone like you. More than anything I hate to be the stupid one in the story. It's one thing that kills me. I can accept a lot of things as long as I know I am not being played with. Really, why do you even date with her?
Rascal: Ah teacher... I don't date her. She dates me.
Me: Humm, I see...now that's a different way of putting it!
A short while before the class finished Rascal got pensive and finally blurted out.
Rascal: As much as my girlfriend is a nice and sweet girl I don't see myself staying with her for too much longer. She is real pretty and does everything to please me but I don't see myself having a future with her.
Me: What do you mean with that?
Rascal: I am almost thirty years old teacher. All my friends are getting married, having kids, the likes. As much as all the "putaria" is great and good after a while any man gets tired of it. I am not complaining of my life as it is now but I do think on having something more serious and settling down a bit. But I want a woman, not any young little girl. I want someone that has a job, is independent, has a head and doesn't let me do with her as I please, someone that I am actually going to be afraid to loose and will keep on track for her, but also someone that won't nag me the whole time. And of course, she has to know how to cook, clean and take care of kids because that is one thing that differentiates a woman from a man. And I want a good girl - not a puritan, but also not someone that has had sex with me plus half of my friends. That doesn't go. It really doesn't...
Me: Wow student! You actually have a heart!
Rascal: You can be mean as well teacher so don't go pointing your finger, eh?
Me: Okay fine. But I must say…I am surprised...
And that was the end of our little conversation which got me thinking, and thinking, and thinking still some more... which left me off here...still thinking and going over my thoughts.
Disclaimer: ALL NAMES ARE FICTITIOUS - dates, places and events are FACTS!!!
Something that is kind of new for me lately is giving class to married couples. I always kid around that since I became a private English teacher nothing else surprises me - well, a few days ago I discovered I was wrong!!!
